Raxee
and his boyfriend
Author’s Note: This piece won Third
Place during the 1st Gawad Tolentino Awards last February 1, 2014. It actually took me two hours of cramming to get
this done. Thanks to my Prof. and Christelle Villaruz for literally
PUSHING me to join the competition at the last minute. [I’m] just sharing it
for those who aren’t from my University and couldn’t get a copy of our literary
folio. MAY PINAGHUHUGUTAN LANG GUYS . Haha. PS: this is dedicated to my PMA Cadet C-16029
Isn’t
it depressing when you have somebody in your heart but you can’t have them in
your arms?
Hi, I’m Ann—19, belligerent,
phlegmatic, competitive and hyper. I write for my college’s newspaper and I
teach martial arts at a local dojo. I have an athletic-built frame standing at
5 feet and 6 inches, long messy hair that cuts right at the middle of my back,
fair skin tone, US 9.5 shoe-fitting feet and a below-average alcohol tolerance.
Moving forward, I won’t be
talking about what I ate for breakfast the other day, nor what shirt I wore
last week; but I’ve been preoccupied lately- you know, thinking about random
things at random points in time and failing to notice that the world has passed
you by.
I’m in a relationship with John, a 3rd
Class Philippine Military Academy Cadet, who I met three years ago. He’s
21, chinito,
fair-skinned, tall at 5 feet and 11 inches, muscled, and member of the
No-Girlfriend-Since-Birth sector of the male species.
I’m not really the Clingy type in a
relationship. I don’t usually fret too much when my partner leaves for
somewhere or get too jealous about every single organism that breathes the same
oxygen that he does. But for some reason, this time it was a bit different.
Given the fact that John is in the
military, the amount of time that he can give me is minimal compared to an
average civilian boyfriend. I have no choice but to settle with occasional text
messages during the day and a few more in the evening after all duties have
ended. I can’t call him whenever I fancy, too—because he has more duties than
hours of the day. I could only see him every three months for a maximum of
7days (all of which are his Academic Breaks), before he heads back for the
Academy. Bottom line is that I never really knew much about what was going on
with his life, and I never get to see him that much. I have the perfect
situation, don’t you agree?
Despite the understanding and
acceptance, it still hurts every time he walks out the door to get back to his
dear Academy. I always try to keep myself together whenever that happens—trying
to stay strong for the both of us and not wanting to make him worry about me.
We’ve always maximized the short
days of his breaks- he would visit meat ungodly hours of the morning and stay
up until the wee dawn, just to make the most of the time we can spend together.
What can we do? He’s Government property and whether I like it or not, I have
to accept everything without any qualms.
However, during his last Academic
Break, a breaking point came around the corner for the both of us.
It was a gloomy Saturday Afternoon
as the rain battered the glass windows of the car on the way to the airport- it
was the same afternoon of his flight back to MNL, the last afternoon he had to
spend here for his break. We sat together quietly, not knowing what to say to
each other on the last hour of his stay.
Then he finally broke the chilling
silence: “Aalis na naman
ako. I’ll miss you.”, said John as he drew closer to embrace me.
“Ughhhh,
I know. Aalis ka na naman,” I
shrugged as I struggled to hold back my tears. “Pero okay lang, I’m used to it na. Foresight ko na lang
yung next Break mo in three months.”
“Ma’am,
I apologize ha. Ayokong nahihirapan ka, pero part and parcel ito ng duty ko at
para nmn sa future yung ginagawa ko. Sorry kung tinali ko sa pag-aantay yung
buhay mo bilang Kaydet Girl ko,” John
said, teary-eyed but was holding me even tighter.
“You
know how it is, I understand nga diba? Sinasanay ko sarili ko every single time
you leave to get back to your duties. Pero kahit sanay na ako, masakit pa rin
eh- ang sakit sakit pa rin,” and
as if on que, my tears just started rolling out of my eyes.
I felt so stupid at that
moment—sobbing profusely, not saying anything, hugging him tighter and
non-verbally communicating my message of my heartache and refusing to let him
go.
I must have made him feel really bad
as he started to be silent again. John and I didn’t say a word for the next few
moments, we just held on to each other- while I was still sobbing my lungs out.
Then for the second time, he broke
the silence…
“Oyyy,
wag ka nga umiyak ng ganyan. Mas mahihirapan akong umalis kung nagkakaganyan
ka. You know naman na babalik ako at babalikan kita every time makakalabas ako
ng PMA diba? Tahan na. Ikaw lang ang babaeng minahal at mamahalin ko. Kahit
umalis ako ngayon, I’ll be with you by heart nmn. Sabay pa tayong tatanda sabi
mo diba? Kantahan nlg kita para di ka na umiyak”
I didn’t say another word and I kept
my silence, the he started singing a melody I’ve never heard before. He says
it’s one of their traditional songs in the Academy- a song that the male cadets
would sing to their girlfriends (referred to as Kaydet Girls ).
“On her
lips was a smile, my Kaydet Girl. On her eyes are the stars above. For her face
is a poem of beauty; can you blame me my sweet, for falling in love? Won’t you
come, dear, to me? I’ll shower you with a kiss on each raven curl.”
Then he paused to plant a kiss on my
forehead, hugged me tighter, told me one last time his promises to come back
home soon and his plans for our future.
Then he continued to sing the last
refrain of his song.
“Won’t you come into my arms? Dance to
our song? For I love you , My Kaydet Girl.”
As the last bit of the song came to an end, our car was already at the
Pre-Departure area of the Airport, and we both knew we he had to go. I
watched him unload his bags from the trunk as I sat quietly in the backseat;
and listened bitterly as the PA system announced their final call for his
flight.
Without looking back, he entered the
boarding gates and disappeared into a crowd of people checking in for their
flight.
Feeling a stab in my heart and tears dwelling in my eyes, I decided to pull my
phone out and divert my attention. To my surprise, there was an incoming text
from my cadet.
My heart raced as I opened the text. It read:
“You
know, your Dad told me he used to sing you lullabies when you were a kid. When
you feel down, isipin mo na lang kinakantahan kita nun- at di ako magsasawang
kantahin sayo yun, My Kaydet Girl.”
Another article by Raxee on environment which was published in online and print version of Inquirer's newspaper here:
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