Sunday, February 2, 2014

FEATURE: My Kaydet Girl by Raxel Ann Gonzales

Raxee and his boyfriend

Author’s Note: This piece won Third Place during the 1st Gawad Tolentino Awards last February 1, 2014. It actually took me two hours of cramming to get this done. Thanks to my Prof. and Christelle Villaruz for literally PUSHING me to join the competition at the last minute. [I’m] just sharing it for those who aren’t from my University and couldn’t get a copy of our literary folio. MAY PINAGHUHUGUTAN LANG GUYS . Haha. PS: this is dedicated to my PMA Cadet C-16029
           
            Isn’t it depressing when you have somebody in your heart but you can’t have them in your arms?

          Hi, I’m Ann—19, belligerent, phlegmatic, competitive and hyper. I write for my college’s newspaper and I teach martial arts at a local dojo. I have an athletic-built frame standing at 5 feet and 6 inches, long messy hair that cuts right at the middle of my back, fair skin tone, US 9.5 shoe-fitting feet and a below-average alcohol tolerance.
  
            Moving forward,  I won’t be talking about what I ate for breakfast the other day, nor what shirt I wore last week; but I’ve been preoccupied lately- you know, thinking about random things at random points in time and failing to notice that the world has passed you by.
             I’m in a relationship with John, a 3rd Class Philippine Military Academy Cadet, who I met three years ago. He’s 21, chinito, fair-skinned, tall at 5 feet and 11 inches, muscled, and member of the No-Girlfriend-Since-Birth sector of the male species.

            I’m not really the Clingy type in a relationship. I don’t usually fret too much when my partner leaves for somewhere or get too jealous about every single organism that breathes the same oxygen that he does. But for some reason, this time it was a bit different.

            Given the fact that John is in the military, the amount of time that he can give me is minimal compared to an average civilian boyfriend. I have no choice but to settle with occasional text messages during the day and a few more in the evening after all duties have ended. I can’t call him whenever I fancy, too—because he has more duties than hours of the day. I could only see him every three months for a maximum of 7days (all of which are his Academic Breaks), before he heads back for the Academy. Bottom line is that I never really knew much about what was going on with his life, and I never get to see him that much. I have the perfect situation, don’t you agree?
           
            Despite the understanding and acceptance, it still hurts every time he walks out the door to get back to his dear Academy. I always try to keep myself together whenever that happens—trying to stay strong for the both of us and not wanting to make him worry about me.

            We’ve always maximized the short days of his breaks- he would visit meat ungodly hours of the morning and stay up until the wee dawn, just to make the most of the time we can spend together. What can we do? He’s Government property and whether I like it or not, I have to accept everything without any qualms.

            However, during his last Academic Break, a breaking point came around the corner for the both of us.
           
            It was a gloomy Saturday Afternoon as the rain battered the glass windows of the car on the way to the airport- it was the same afternoon of his flight back to MNL, the last afternoon he had to spend here for his break. We sat together quietly, not knowing what to say to each other on the last hour of his stay.

            Then he finally broke the chilling silence: “Aalis na naman ako. I’ll miss you.”, said John as he drew closer to embrace me.

           “Ughhhh, I know. Aalis ka na naman,” I shrugged as I struggled to hold back my tears. “Pero okay lang, I’m used to it na. Foresight ko na lang yung next Break mo in three months.”

            “Ma’am, I apologize ha. Ayokong nahihirapan ka, pero part and parcel ito ng duty ko at para nmn sa future yung ginagawa ko. Sorry kung tinali ko sa pag-aantay yung buhay mo bilang Kaydet Girl ko,” John said, teary-eyed but was holding me even tighter.

            “You know how it is, I understand nga diba? Sinasanay ko sarili ko every single time you leave to get back to your duties. Pero kahit sanay na ako, masakit pa rin eh- ang sakit sakit pa rin,” and as if on que, my tears just started rolling out of my eyes.

            I felt so stupid at that moment—sobbing profusely, not saying anything, hugging him tighter and non-verbally communicating my message of my heartache and refusing to let him go.

            I must have made him feel really bad as he started to be silent again. John and I didn’t say a word for the next few moments, we just held on to each other- while I was still sobbing my lungs out.

            Then for the second time, he broke the silence…

     “Oyyy, wag ka nga umiyak ng ganyan. Mas mahihirapan akong umalis kung nagkakaganyan ka. You know naman na babalik ako at babalikan kita every time makakalabas ako ng PMA diba? Tahan na. Ikaw lang ang babaeng minahal at mamahalin ko. Kahit umalis ako ngayon, I’ll be with you by heart nmn. Sabay pa tayong tatanda sabi mo diba? Kantahan nlg kita para di ka na umiyak”

            I didn’t say another word and I kept my silence, the he started singing a melody I’ve never heard before. He says it’s one of their traditional songs in the Academy- a song that the male cadets would sing to their girlfriends (referred to as Kaydet Girls ).

            “On her lips was a smile, my Kaydet Girl. On her eyes are the stars above. For her face is a poem of beauty; can you blame me my sweet, for falling in love? Won’t you come, dear, to me? I’ll shower you with a kiss on each raven curl.”

            Then he paused to plant a kiss on my forehead, hugged me tighter, told me one last time his promises to come back home soon and his plans for our future.

            Then he continued to sing the last refrain of his song.

 “Won’t you come into my arms? Dance to our song? For I love you , My Kaydet Girl.”

            As the last bit of the song came to an end, our car was already at the Pre-Departure area of the Airport, and we both knew we he had to go.  I watched him unload his bags from the trunk as I sat quietly in the backseat; and listened bitterly as the PA system announced their final call for his flight.

            Without looking back, he entered the boarding gates and disappeared into a crowd of people checking in for their flight.

            Feeling a stab in my heart and tears dwelling in my eyes, I decided to pull my phone out and divert my attention. To my surprise, there was an incoming text from my cadet.

            My heart raced as I opened the text. It read:

            You know, your Dad told me he used to sing you lullabies when you were a kid. When you feel down, isipin mo na lang kinakantahan kita nun- at di ako magsasawang kantahin sayo yun, My Kaydet Girl.”


Blogger's Note: Printed with author's expressed permission, this article was originally published by Raxee in her Tumblr blog http://kaydetraxee.tumblr.com/post/75255776613/my-kaydet-girl-a-short-story-circa2014.


Another article by Raxee on environment which was published in online and print version of Inquirer's newspaper here:




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